Giving In
by Ezra
Summary: Jou is losing his way. Who is going to help lead him back to reality? {Eventual SetoxJou} Warning: Not for Children {Completed}
1. Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again

Just Insane: Forewarning for the readers:

THIS IS YOAI. ALSO KNOWN AS SLASH. 

Just Insane's Alter-Ego Betty: Wow... you really want them to know.

JI: *nod nod* Sure do. No reporting me now. ^_^ I love you all. Don't forget to review. Also.. one more warning.. Drug and alcohol use will be in this fic. It's not a happy fic. It will not have a happy ending. No waff either. Sorry. ^_^ Also! Jou is kinda OOC, but not extremely so. It's believable. *nod nod* 

Betty: *cough*... Don't you need a disclaimer?

JI: *shakes head* They should know that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Lol. And if I did... well, things would be different. ^_^ Ho ho ho. *cackle*

Betty: @_@...

JI: Okay... Enough . Time to get on with the fic.

Betty: *whispers* ...'bout time...

JI: O_o...

Giving In

**Will you, walk me  
To the edge again  
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again  
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me  
I'm giving in to you **  


Jou felt numb as he dropped to his knees. A swift kick to his head knocked him quickly to the floor, where he stayed. His father spat at him and left the room muttering about how much Jou was shit.

Jou blinked slowly. He moved slightly, testing to see if he was hurt too much to move tonight. He'd done this before. Many, many times. It was disgusting, really, but he deserved it. His father was right. He was a piece of shit. 

He sighed heavily, moving until his hands were near his chest, and pushed himself up. He saw a flash of white, but pushed it aside, forcing himself not to pass out. Jou sat on the ground for a few minutes before pushing himself to stand and walk slowly to the kitchen.

He noticed his dad was asleep ... passed out on the family room chair. Jou snorted and walked towards him, heading for the ciggarettes he kept in the drawer beside him. He pulled out three along with a lighter and walked back to the kitchen. 

Jou opened the liquor cabinet to find a large array of hard liquor and shot glasses. He reached for two bottles of Jose Cuervo, not bothering with the shots, and shut the cabinet back up. He stared at the label. Highly Flammable. 

Jou blinked and stared a second more before glancing over to his father, still passed out on the couch, mouth wide open and snoring loudly. He scoffed in disgust, and then placed a cigarette in his mouth and lit up. He glanced back at the alcohol. Highly Flammable. He twisted off the top and took a long swig. When he finished he looked back over to his father, who was still passed out.

He looked at the bottle.

Looked at his father.

Bottle.

Father ...

Bottle ...

__

'... Do it,' something whispered inside Jou. 

With surprisingly little hesitation, Jou tipped the bottle over, spilling the contents onto the ground. He breathed his cigarette in deeply, exhaling through his nose. Jou watched as the alcohol pooled around his shoes. He cocked his head to the side watching the alcohol move slowly down the uneven floor. He blinked, then opened the liquor cabinet again and grabbed more bottles. Screwing off the tops, he'd take a good swig of each before walking into the family room where is father slept drunkenly, oblivious.

Jou poured alcohol all around the room, spilling around ten bottles in the end. 

Jou silently walked back through the kitchen to his room. He grabbed a bag and shoved some tattered jeans in it along with a few shirts. Walking back into the kitchen, he pushed the two other cigarettes he had in his bag along with the few bottles left in the cabinet. He took one last drag of the cigarette he had in his mouth before taking in his hands and walking slowly into the family room with the last bottle of Jose Cuervo. 

Jou looked one last time at his father and stuck his cigarette into his open mouth. His father didn't wake up. Jou twisted off the top to Jose Cuervo and poured it into the ash tray on the small table. He stopped and started to pour the bottle on his father's head, then, reconsidering where the cigarette should be, Jou picked it up and placed it back in his mouth. He re-lit it, and placed it in his father's hand, close to the tip. 

__

'Still passed out ... pathetic,' Jou smirked idly; his eyes were almost void of any emotion.

His father snorted, hand suddenly flinging upwards but landing near the liquor-filled ash tray. It sparked, but the cigarette was put out. Jou frowned. Suddenly a flame burst up quickly, startling Jou. His sleeping father seemed unaffected, and Jou headed towards the front door, bag in hand.

__

'Now you wont have to deal with shit anymore ... father.'

And he walked out the door.

-_-_-_-

JI: ...Okay..

Betty: Did Jou just attempt murder?

JI: ... Yes.

Betty: ... Oh

JI: Chapter two coming soon. ^_^ Please review! 

Betty: Har...

JI: G-Gomen Nasai blondchick14 and Jokid! I didn't realize I had received reviews so quickly! -_- If you see this, please review again! ^_^ Arigato!


	2. I'm dying tonight

**Take me under  
I'm giving in to you  
I'm dying tonight  
Tragic it seems, to be alone again  
I'm giving in to you**

Giving In

It was cold. Jou was cold, and he didn't know where to go. Walking to the nearest building, he sat down and leaned against it. He shuddered. Why didn't he think about bringing a sweater? Or anything warm?

He sighed heavily and shook his head, then brought his pack closer to him, and searched it. Nothing! There was nothing in it to keep him warm. Jou sighed again, and grabbed for the alcohol. This could keep him warm. He screwed off the top and took two long swigs. He felt his eyes bug for a second. Jou smiled faintly. One step closer to dark oblivion. 

Suddenly spotting a sheet of paper in his bag, he pulled it out and read. It was a house party. When had he gotten this? He thanked whatever gods were listening and headed for the address stated on the sheet. He arrived about 10 minutes later to a music-blaring house. People standing and drinking all around him. He smirked. This is where he needed to be.

He started towards the front door. As he reached for the handle, his hand was suddenly caught by a female's. 

"Jou--ey?" A blonde-hair, blue-eyed girl stopped him.

He looked to her. It was the American girl that was on foreign exchange. What was her name again? She was always calling him Joey for some reason. 

"... Allison?" Jou questioned.

The blonde giggled, "No silly, it's me, Rebecca!"

Jou feigned delight. "Oh! 'Becca! How've you been?"

She pouted, trying to look sexy, "... Lonely."

Jou stared at her. Beautiful girl ... that is, beautiful _drunk_ girl, telling him she was ... Wait. Didn't this go against his morals?

Jou grinned. _'Of course not.'_ "Is that so?"

Rebecca grinned stupidly before faltering in her step, giggling, "Wanna make the lonliness go away, Jou--ey?"

Jou just grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house, immediately looking for the closest secluded spot; it seemed to be the bathroom. _'That'll do ...'_ he thought, and pulled her in.

Rebecca suddenly started groping and kissing Jou, pressing him against the wall. She made her way slowly down him, un-zipping his pants before pressing a kiss into his navel and continuing downward. Jou could feel himself get harder, waiting to be realeased.

Suddenly, Rebecca paused and fell forward on him, sliding slowly down until her head rested at his knees. Jou looked down in surprise, before looking disgusted. She had passed out. He leaned down and zipped himself back up before pushing her against the other wall. He stared at her for a second, contemplating whether to be nice and drag her to a couch, or be cruel and leave her there. 

Jou didn't look back as he shut the door to the bathroom with the girl still in there.

He was angered. He was just about to get a blow-job and the girl had to go and pass out on him. In a desparate move, he kicked the nearest wall before storming to get his bag. He needed his liquor. He was caught on the hand once more, and spun quickly to see who is was.

He didn't recognize this person. But he was male, and obviously went to his school with the clothes he was wearing. The guy grinned and brought a bag up to Jou's face; it appeared to have some white powder in it. Jou stared, knowing exactly what it was. But the question was whether he wanted to do it. The only thing he could think of was, '_Why not?'_

Jou nodded and was dragged upstairs, but not before he grabbed his bag.

He was roughly pushed against the wall by the other guy, and forced to sit down. The guy brought a plate over and made a two lines with the powder he had just poured on it. Jou stared at the plate, not sure what exactly the outcome of doing this would be. 

The guy grinned. "I'll give you this, only if you let me take care of that," he said and pointed at Jou's crotch.

Jou looked shocked. He had never been propositioned to by a guy before. Sure he'd had numerous amounts of blow-jobs from girls; hell, he'd even had sex plenty with them, but never with guys. The same voice he had been hearing since earlier spoke up once more. _'Why not?'_

Jou shrugged, and the guy smirked. Jou reached to his bag and brought out a new bottle of liquor. The guy reached in his pocket and produced a dollar bill, rolling it into a small tube. He handed it to Jou and brought the plate up to him. 

Jou stared at the plate, then glanced at the rolled-up dollar. He had never done hard drugs before. He blinked slowly. 'Course he had also never gotten a blow-job from a guy before. '_You've never killed anyone before, either. What's keeping you from doing this?'_

Jou nodded to himself, confusing the boy in front of him. He placed the tube to one of his nostrils, holding a finger to the open one, and leaned in. He breathed in the line and leaned back. His nose was burning. Jou could hear the other guy snort his line, and lean towards Jou. Jou felt his pants being un-buttoned and his boxers pulled down. His member was free, and suddenly covered by the boy's mouth.

Jou yelped in surprise. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling, but felt his pupils start to dialate. His head was warming up and could feel sweat starting to come to the surface. The guy in front of him working hard at him, scraping his teeth along him. Jou cried out. 

_'What's going on?' _ he asked himself, squeezing his eyes tighter. What happened when you took cocaine? If he could remember correctly, one's senses are heightened, energy is increased. Along with this blow-job it was mind-numbing. He felt everything, could see everything. Suddenly his world flashed white, and he cried out.

The boy in front of him sat up, wiping his mouth. Jou lay in front of him; hands gripping the floor, legs bent, eyes closed. The boy smiled; obviously this was a first-time user. He had taken it pretty well, too. He leaned close to Jou, taking his chin in his fingers. Jou looked to him, pupils dialated.

The guy leaned in and kissed Jou briefly, before pulling back and walking to Jou's bag. He placed the bag of cocaine in his bag, with about an ounce left in it. It was a lot to give away, he knew, but he thought this kid deserved it.

One last glance at Jou, and the kid was gone. Jou sighed. He didn't feel tired at all. Although he did feel slightly dirty, he was aware of the fact that he had allowed it, and he liked it. It was, in fact, probably the best blow-job he had ever recieved. He reached for his liquor and took a long swig, then closed his eyes, enjoying the way it burned his throat. 

He looked down and noticed that "everthing" was still hanging out. He reached and tucked himself back in before scooching up on the wall and taking another drink. Maybe the alcohol would calm him down, for he felt like he could be awake forever. He took another drink. And another. Until he realized he was practically sucking on the thing like a bottle. He finished it off and reached for the other bottle in his bag. Suddenly his hand started shaking and he turned on his side, his eyes bugging out. At one moment, it felt as if his heart was racing a mile a minute, but a second later it was slow and steady. 

Jou's heart kept fluxuating, and it scared him. 

_'What's going on?'_ Jou's eyes widened again. It felt as if his body wasn't sure whether to slow down or speed up, so it finally just said ... fuck you.

-_-_-

JI: Review! ^_^ Thanks to Jokid, Dark Nation (love ya babe), Blue Lagoon Loon, Blondchick14 and Firedea You guys are awesome! ^__^

Betty: *blush* Goodness…


	3. Cause the stress has got me

**The stress has got me  
I'm giving in**

Giving In

Jou groaned as he sat up and looked around, thinking, _'Where am I?' _It was obvious he was outside. Images of last night came back to him suddenly and he groaned. As he remembered, Jou looked for his bag. He realized it had been under his head, used as a pillow.

He stood unsteadily and looked at his surroundings; he knew where he was. He was near the school. But where would he go now? What would he do? 

He couldn't go to Yugi's house; that wouldn't be very kind of him. Sure, he hadn't been very kind lately anyway, but he would never do that to him. Yugi was too innocent. Jou had corrupted him enough already. He stood and thought. He could go to Honda's house ... But, that was so far away! It was twenty minutes in a car, it'd take five times longer to get there on foot! Jou sighed. 

It was truly his only option. He picked up his bag and started down the road.

He walked about twenty minutes before realizing he should be hungry. Was it because of the cocaine? Why wasn't he dead? He thought he was truly going to die last night ... He shook his head gruffly, before focusing on his direction again. He could hear a car coming up slowly behind him. It slowed slower and slower until the passenger window was rolled down, and a sad voice could be heard from out of it.

"Jou? Jou, is that you?"

Jou turned to see Yugi yelling to him. Jou stopped walking and stared.

The car stopped, and Yugi hopped out of the car and ran towards Jou, slamming himself into the taller boy.

Jou nearly fell over from the force of the boy's hug but caught himself in time. Jou blushed from the affection, but returned the hug slightly. Yugi's face turned up to him suddenly, filled with tears.

Jou looked shocked. "Yug'?"

"Jou! I thought you were dead! I was watching the news this morning and it said your house caught on fire! ... I was so worried ..."

Jou squeezed Yugi tighter, saying, "Don't worry, I'm fine." He thought for a moment, then said carefully, "... Now what's this about a fire?"

"The reporter said a house on Domino Lane had caught fire. When they said it was your address I was so worried!" Jou sighed and hugged Yugi, reassuring him.

"Jou ... do you have a place to go now?"

Jou thought. Did he really want there to be a chance that Yugi could find out what he had done? But he really didn't have any other place to go. Jou shook his head reluctantly.

Yugi nodded, pulling away from Jou. "Then it's settled. You'll stay with us."

Jou sighed but nodded in agreement.

Yugi dragged him toward the car and they both got in.

Jou noticed the driver was Yami. Jou looked surprised. When had Yami gotten his driver's licence? Jou dropped the thought as Yugi got in next to Jou and latched onto his arm. Jou blushed again from the affection; he knew Yugi enjoyed touching but Jou wasn't used to it. The last time he recieved any true affection was from his sister, and that was almost eight years ago. 

Yami started the car up and headed towars their house, willing himself to keep his eyes away from his friend and his light. 

***

When they finally reached Yugi's house Yami quickly got out of the car, leaving two surprised teens inside. Jou blinked and suddenly realized why Yami had left so quickly. He let out a soft chuckle which confused the smaller of the two. Jou just shook his head and started to get out of the car and head for the door.

Once inside he realized all his friends were there as well; it was a good thing Yugi had picked him up. Honda was clearly sitting on the couch; Anzu and Ryou were also there. The three ran up to him immediately upon his entry and barraged him with questions. Jou put on a false smile, placing his hand behind his head in embarrasment.

"I'm okay guys, really!" Jou hoped stating this would get them off his back, but it only launched Anzu into one of her friendship speeches.

"Honestly, Jounouchi! We're only worried; that's what friends do!"

Jou sighed and said, "Yes ... you're right, Anzu. I'm kinda tired. Yug'?"

"Yes, Jou?"

"I'm suddenly very tired. Mind if I crash somewhere?"

"Oh! Of course, Jou. Follow me." Yugi walked towards the stairs of the gameshop, Jou following. 

Their friend looked on as the two walked towards the bedrooms. 

Honda looked at Ryou and Anzu, saying, "Do you think Jou knows about his dad yet?"

Anzu shook her head. "If he did, he'd be in a worse mood than he is right now. I mean, if I found out that my dad was hospitalized for severe burns, then _I'd_ be worried."

Ryou nodded, still looking towards the stairs. "Indeed."

-_-_-_-

JI: *dun dun dun* So Jou's father isn't dead! *scary face* ^^;; Yes, short chapter, I know. But pleeeeease pleeeeeeeease review! ^_^ I'll get the next one up right away.

Betty: Yeah! Review! *dances* Also! Thanks to Blue Lagoon Loon, Dark Nation, Pat Thetic, and *blush* Megami no Shi! I can't believe you put GI on your favorites list! ^_^ Thanks so much everyone! Chapter four will be up soon! 

JI: O_o


	4. Take me under

**Take me under  
(I'm killing all the faith)**

Giving In

Jou leaned back into his pillow, closing his eyes. He remembered the brief conversation he had with Yugi while they were walking to the room.

" -- Joey?" Yugi questioned.

"Yeah, Yug'?"

"Are you hungry?"

Jou wasn't sure how to answer. He hadn't been hungry all day. Was this still part of the cocaine reaction? Jou shook his head eventually. No, he wasn't hungry.

Yugi looked slightly surprised, but nodded his okay, and left Jou to his sleep.

Of course Jou never went to sleep; he had just wanted to get away from his friends. He needed a place to think. A lot had happened the past twenty-four hours. Getting a blow job from a guy ...The _thing_ with his father, doing the cocaine... Jou smirked. Why, within his mind, had he just mentioned the blow job before his father's untimely demise? Jou shrugged. He really was a piece of shit. 

What was he going to do now? He had a place at Yugi's, but he couldn't stay here. He wouldn't let Yugi know about his drinking problem. No way in hell. Jou sighed; this was quite a dilemma. 

Twenty minutes later, Yugi walked into the room with a solemn countenance. Jou looked through his bangs at the small boy. 

"Yug'?"

The boy looked up with tears in his eyes and said, "Jou ... Everyone thought I should tell you. We weren't sure if you knew yet."

Jou just stared the at weeping boy in front of him. 

"Jou ... your father. He ..."

Jou smirked inwardly. _'He's dead.. right Yug'? You shed tears for the wrong reasons.'_

"He was put in the hospital for severe burns. They said he'll make it through, though. Oh Jou! I'm so sorry!" Yugi threw himself into Jou's arms. Jou sat in shock. His father wasn't dead? He blinked slowly, digesting this information. He looked down to Yugi, and hugged him, placing his chin atop the boy's head. 

His eyes glanced quickly back and forth. Why ... How could his father have gotten out? 

_'Shit ... this is not good ...'_

Jou shifted Yugi until he could pull the sobbing boy away from him. 

"It's okay, Yugi. Do you know where they're keeping him?"

Yugi nodded. "Domino City Hospital, Intensive Care ward." 

Jou nodded. He would have to pay his dear father a visit. He stood up quickly, picking up his bag and heading towards the door.

"Jou? Where are you going."

"... I need to see him, Yug'." 

Yugi nodded. Jou headed quickly out the door, running down stairs and heading out the front door. The hospital wasn't too far away. He'd make it in twenty minutes or so.

Jou walked quickly down the road before hearing the familiar engine sound. Jou turned to see Yugi driving towards him. He stopped walking and waited for the car to pull up next to him.

"Atleast let me drive you there, Jou." Yugi stated. Jou nodded and climbed into the passenger seat. Yugi drove down the road towards the hospital.

They arrived and Jou sat in the seat quietly. 

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Yugi questioned.

Jou shook his head. No .. he needed to see his father by himself. "I gotta do this myself, Yug'. Thanks for the ride." And with that he was out the door, bag in hand, heading towards the hospital.

Yugi looked on as his friend walked away, _'Poor Jounouchi ...'_ he thought and pressed the gas pedal, heading home.

***

Jou walked slowly to the receptionist's desk. A friendly face smiled up to him, asking if he needed help.

Jou nodded and inquired, "Where's the intensive care ward? I'm here to see my father. Katsuya Hiroku." 

The nurse nodded, typed in his name, and stated where he'd find him, but also warned, "He's in bad shape, I don't think they'll allow visitors for awhile."

Jou nodded, said his thanks, and headed towards the elevator. He pushed the button for floor 3 and waited for the doors to open. Finally the bell dinged and Jou stepped out, heading for the receptionist for this floor. 

This one didn't seem as friendly, but Jou asked what room they kept his father in.

"Room 6544," she remarked. "He won't be allowed visitors for three hours. Hope you have somewhere to go, " she added snidely. Jou smirked an eyebrow at the rude woman, but walked away to find 6544. 

__

'6532... 6533.......6539...6540......6542...6544...' he counted. He stopped at the correct door and stared. It was closed but he could hear the faint beeping of the machinery. He glared through the door; his father was barely hanging onto life. Where was the reason to keep that bastard alive?

Jou sighed and walked to the nearest waiting chair. He brought his knees to his chest, and rested his head comfortably on his knees. He wasn't tired at all, but it was good to rest. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Jou looked up to see the face of the doctor.

Jou regarded him with a strange look, but asked, "When can I see him?" '_When can I get another chance to kill the bastard?'_

The doctor smiled sadly and stated it would only be about an hour. Jou nodded and the doctor walked away. He sighed heavily. He was incredibly bored. Jou yawned, and stood to stretch. 

He figured since he still had an hour left, he'd search the facility. Walking idly down the hallways, Jou noted the names on the walls.

__

'Kawasaki.. Ojubu... Kaiba... Tsuki--' Jou stuttered in his mind. _'K-KAIBA!?' _

Jou searched around for a near doctor. Finding one, he asked quickly, "Which Kaiba is in room 6554?" 

The doctor look at him strangely, but finally saying that he couldn't release patient records. Jou pleaded, "Please! The Kaibas ... are ... friends of mine. I'm worried."

The doctor gave into Jou's "puppy dog" face, and read, "Room 6554, one Kaiba Mokuba." 

Jou's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Jou muttered his thanks and wandered back towards Mokuba's room. He stood and looked at the closed door, wondering what could have happened to get him in the intensive care ward.

Jou may not have cared for his brother much, but for some reason, liked the little brat. 

Jou crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, resting his mind for only a minute. A voice shocked him suddenly out of his reverie.

"What are you doing here, mutt?"

-_-_-

JI: Cliffie! ^_____^

Betty: You bet it is! People are gonna get mad if you don't get the next chapter out soon. Also! Thanks to all the reviewers! You keep us going. XD Us.. Kakarots-Frying-Pan, blondchick14, Jokie, Firedea, Code Name: Messiah, Blue Lagoon Loon, um.. the "blank", Ani-Coolgirl, and Yami Megami. ^___^ You guys are awesome. 

JI: Yes.. yes.. Only if they review though. ^_^ So review! Also, warning: Things are going to start going very... downhill. Please realize this. It's not going to end happily. It's not going to be true love forever. Sorry.


	5. I'm giving in to you

**I'm giving in to you  
Watch me crumble**

Giving In

Jou stared in shock at Seto Kaiba. He held a paper coffe cup in his hand. The taller teen glared icily towards Jou.

"Again, I ask, what are you doing here?"

Jou sighed and pushed himself away from the wall. "Is Mokuba alright?"

Shock ran through Kaiba's face for all but a second before pushing his face back into a frown."Yes, he is fine."

Jou nodded, asking, "What happened?"

Seto glared more, snarling, "Why should I tell you?"

"'Cause I'm asking," Jou shot back with attitude.

Seto stood no longer glaring. He sighed shakily. "He was hit by a car."

Jou stood seemingly unphased on the outside. Inside his mind was racing. Mokuba was hit by a car!? Jesus Christ! How was he not dead? Jou wanted to shout all his questions, but kept them in. If he knew Seto at all, he knew that he did not like to talk about feelings ... or family. Jou nodded instead.

"Is he going to be alright?" Jou questioned. Seto shook his head.

"They ... they don't know." Seto looked towards the ground, gripping the paper cup tightly. Jou knew Seto wouldn't want to say any more; he respected that and walked slowly towards Seto, stopping in front of him. Eyes blank.

"My father was caught in the middle of a fire. He has severe burns ..." Jou paused as Seto looked to him, then finished, "I hope Mokuba gets better." And with that he walked back towards his father's room. 

Jou sat down in the same chair he was, and placed the bag that was on it beneath it. He sat still for about fifteen more minutes before the doctor he had spoken to before came up to him. 

"You're father has been moved to the central care ward. You can visit him now." 

"Where's that?"

"4th floor, room," he paused to check his clipboard, "7432." The doctor left, and Jou stood, then grabbed his bag and headed for the elevator. He went up one floor, counting his way until he reached room 7432. His hand reached for the knob, but he paused. Would his father be awake?

Jou shrugged off the feeling of fear, and walked inside. His father wasn't breathing on his own; he was hooked up to breathing machines, and heart pacers. Of 'course he wasn't awake. Jou stood at the edge of the bed, after placing his bag on the waiting chair behind him. He stood for atleast five minutes, glaring at his father. _ 'You're supposed to be dead, you fucking bastard!'_ He shouted in his mind.

He looked around the room once more. If his father wasn't hooked to these machines, he wouldn't be alive right now. Jou walked slowly to his father's side. His hand slowly reached for the oxygen. All he had to do ... 

Jou's hand inched forward, towards the tube. All he needed was to go a little further ...

Suddenly, the door flew open and a doctor walked in, looking shocked at the position Jou was in, hand outstretched to his father's life support. 

"Mr. Katsuya? What are you doing?"

Jou glared at the doctor, suddenly feeling the need for a cigarette. Jou walked towards his bag and pulled out a stick along with his lighter.

"I'll be back later."

The doctor nodded, and watched him go.

**

Jou made his was down the floors, hands itching to just light the cigarette right there in the elevator. Why didn't he just do it sooner? Why didn't he hurry up and pull the stupid tube from his father's nose? The bell dinged and Jou stepped out again, heading for the smoking area of the hospital outside. 

He leaned against one of the large brick columns and lit up. He took a deep drag and let it rest. 

Jou had a feeling he was becoming addicted. He exhaled through his mouth and nose closing his eyes in thought.

A familiar voice called to him again, "I didn't know you smoked, Katsuya."

Jou looked over to Seto, shooting back, "I didn't know you cared."

Seto snorted. "I don't."

Jou nodded and resumed his previous position. He took another drag before he felt the stick being taken from his hands. Jou stared at Seto before cocking an eyebrow. Seto looked at Jou before taking a drag and handing it back to Jou. 

Jou smirked."I didn't know you smoked, Kaiba."

"Didn't know you cared." 

Jou snorted, and finished off the cigarette, pressing the stub into the nearby ashtray. He then walked over to the bench next to the ashtray and sat down. He looked at Seto, and leaned his elbows on his knees, staring at the ground. He could hear Seto come to stand in front of him, pause, then take a seat next to the blond boy. They sat in silence for ten minutes. It wasn't comfortable, but not entirely uncomfortable. 

Finally Seto leaned forward to sit in the same position Jou was. He turned his head towards him.

"You know, I once tried to kill my father."

Jou stiffened in surprise, but Seto continued, "... But you see, my plan worked. Your only problem was that you should have killed him differently. Or at least waited to see if he actually couldn't get out."

Jou stood suddenly, walking away from Kaiba. No ... not wanting to get away from Kaiba, only wanting to get away from the truth. Kaiba stood along with Joey grabbing his arm, pulling him towards his chest.

Jou's back ended up slamming against Kaiba, and felt a strong arm encircle his shoulders.

Jou could feel Kaiba's breath on his ear, making him shiver. "It's obvious you weren't in your right state of mind. ...You still aren't," Seto chuckled lowly, "Neither am I," he paused, "As much as you or I don't want to admit it ... we're alike, you know." Suddenly, Seto took his free hand and grabbed onto Jou's hair, jerking his head to the side. He then ran his tongue over Jou's cheek and swiftly let go of the boy. He stormed back into the hospital leaving an unusually unphased and strangely aroused teen in the smoking area.

-_-_-_-

JI: Well, Jou finally gets to talk to Seto!

Betty: *cough* Talk ... *cough cough* right ...

JI: ¬_¬

Betty: ^_^ Review please! Thanks to all the reviewers. I love you all. I think I'll get an author note out soon. ^_^ I'll leave a note for everyone who reviewed for me. ^^ Please review again. Thankies.


	6. For Dark Nation

** **

Giving In

Jou brought a hand slowly to his face and touched the saliva he felt there. That was probably the grossest thing someone had ever done to him, and he had let him do it. Seto Kaiba no less. Jou quickly rubbed his cheek, and made his way back to his father's room. 

When he arrived, he took one last long look at his father before grabbing his bag and heading out the door. He walked slowly towards the direction of Mokuba's room, and found a very distraught Kaiba pacing. His pacing stopped when he looked to find Jou staring.

Jou cocked an eyebrow, as if asking why Kaiba was pacing.

Seto sighed dejectedly. "Mokuba's heart stopped. They rushed him into OR."

Jou felt as if his world stopped for a moment, but he couldn't let it show. He felt as if he had to be strong right now. Seto continued his pacing, slowly making Jou irritated. He walked slowly up to Seto, and placed two firm hands on either side of Kaiba's shoulders.

"Let go of me!" Seto barked, and tried to squirm from his grip.

Jou sighed and shook his head. He moved forward, causing Seto to take a step back. He kept moving until he had Seto cornered to a chair, and forcefully pushed him down. Seto glared up to him, but Jou just smirked slightly. He took his hands off Seto's shoulder's and took a seat next to the teen.

A doctor walked slowly up to the two, and stopped, a solemn look on his face.

Seto felt himself start to sweat. Was Mokuba okay? Was he ... 

The doctor sighed, "Which one of you is Katsuya Jounouchi?"

Seto felt himself sigh in relief. Jou looked up to the doctor, stating he was who the doctor asked for. 

The doctor nodded, saying, "Your father is awake now."

Jou paled; it felt as if all his blood had just left his body. He stared at the floor, gripping the handles of the chair. He could hear Seto get up and thank the doctor for him, and could faintly hear the doctor walk away. Things seemed to be getting darker and slower for Jou. A hand suddenly gripped his hair and, yanking his head up, shoved him back into reality. Seto stared at him. 

Jou's hand snaked up and grabbed onto the wrist holding his hair. He stared into Kaiba's eyes, not blinking. If he wanted a staring contest, he would get one. Suddenly, Kaiba blinked, and turned his head away, releasing Jou. Jou sighed and reached for his bag. He opened it up, and suddenly spotted a plastic bag that he was sure wasn't there before. He pulled it up slightly and then quickly shoved it back in.

What was the cocaine doing in his bag? Had the guy given it to him? He glanced down to his bag again, looking at the plastic. He blinked. Was he going to use it? Something in the back of his mind told him not to do it. The last thing he needed right now was a drug addiction. But, something else told him, he shouldn't care. There was no future left for him anyway. He closed the top of his bag and set it on the ground again, then stood up and started walking. He was stopped in his tracks as another doctor approached them, face straight, conveying no emotion. 

Seto stood alongside Jou, waiting for the doctor to come to them. Finally the doctor made it to them, and asked if either of them was Seto Kaiba. Seto nodded and told the doctor who he was.

"Your brother Mokuba is in stable condition. He should be fine." The doctor smiled, and both boys felt relief wash over them. The doctor continued, "We're going to ask at least a two week hospital stay. You can come back tomorrow to see him."

Seto sighed heavily but nodded.

The doctor nodded, wrote something on his clipboard, and walked off.

Seto pressed himself into his chair again and looked to Jou, who was grabbing for his bag and then began to walk away. 

Jou heard Seto call out to him a moment later. "Do you have a place to stay?"

Jou stood in silence contemplating his answer, then said, "I'm staying at Yugi's."

Seto asked again, "So, do you have a place to stay?"

Jou looked to the floor, thinking again. Seto must have figured the same thing he did: there was no way Jou could stay at Yugi's. Jou shook his head.

Seto stood and sauntered to Jou. He placed a hand on Jou's shoulder and slid in front of him. He stared for a moment before looking around him. No one was in the hallway at the moment, so Seto took initiative and pushed Jou into the nearest wall.

Jou's pulse raced and his mind was running like crazy, but kept up an emotionless countenance. 

Why hadn't he pushed Seto away yet? 

Why had he let him touch him? 

Why hadn't he pushed him away earlier? 

What possesed Seto to do these things to him? All thoughts left him as Seto's tongue ran across his neck. He felt his lips travel slowly towards his jawline.

Suddenly Jou spoke out, against his better judgment, "Why have you been doing this?"

Seto payed little attention to the question and continued his ministrations on Jou's neck until finally answering, "Let's just say, I find the thought of you being like me ... a turn-on."

Jou snorted, but lifted his head to give Seto more room and laced his fingers into Seto's surprisingly soft hair.

Seto spoke quietly, "And why haven't you pushed me away yet?" His mouth traveled down his neck more, licking Jou's collar bone.

Jou groaned slightly, pressing hard onto Seto's crown. "I was just thinking the same thing."

They both froze they heard footsteps down the hallway. Jou slipped a hand out of Seto's hair and pushed Seto quickly away.

Seto growled in frustration, but allowed it as a short, fat nurse walked into the hallway. She glanced at the boys and smiled as she continued her way down the hall. 

Jou and Seto watched her go until her footstesps could no longer be heard. Seto turned to look at Jou, but realized he was no longer against the wall. 

Jou leaned down to grab his bag, and stood to look at Seto who had been staring. He cocked an eyebrow. This Seto was strangely unnerving. But of course he wouldn't let Seto know that. He stared back at Seto, and Seto turned away from him. 

Jou stared at his back and decided to let his eyes travel. He had never realized what a nice body Seto had. Of course, he hadn't ever really looked at guys in that way. 

"You'll stay with me." He shoved his cellular at Jou. "Tell Yugi you won't be staying with him anymore." and with that, Seto walked towards the elevator on that floor. 

Jou just stared at the cell phone in his hand. What was he going to tell Yugi? 

He sighed and dialed his number. 

A soft voice picked up. "Hello?"

"Yug'?"

"Jou?! You ready to come home?"

"Uh, Yug' ... I'm going home with my mom. When she heard the news, she told me I could live with her." Jou stated, thankful for the quick lie.

There was silence on the other side of the phone. Suddenly Yugi spoke up again happily, "That's great, Jou! Call me when you get settled!"

"Uh. Yeah, sure. Talk to you later, Yug'."

"Bye Jounouchi!" And the line went dead.

Jou pushed the "End" button on the phone, then headed towards the elevator.

Reaching the bottom floor, Jou stepped out, noticing Seto was outside waiting for him. His limo already there waiting. Jou stood staring at the limo.

Why was he doing this? Why had Seto done those things to him? Why? Why? _Why?_

He could see Seto glare at him to get walking, and he did.

The small voice in his mind sounded up again, 

_'Why not?'_

-_-_-

JI: Well, that was the longest chapter I've written in a while.

Betty: *reads it over*... *blushes* Oh my!

JI: ¬_¬;;

Betty: Don't forget your dedication!

JI: Oh yes! This chapter is dedicated to Dark Nation! w00t! ^_^

Betty: ^_^... 

JI: .....

Betty: ^__________^

JI: What?

Betty: *huggles DN* I wuuuuvs Darkie-chan.

JI: ^^;;

Important Author Note: PLEASE READ *ahem* The next few chapters are going to be filled with adult content. And, I think if you're not old enough to handle them, you shouldn't read them. They will contain m/m sex, drug _abuse_, alcohol abuse, and profanity. Don't flame me because you couldn't handle it. 

Thanks. -JI 


	7. Oh fuck

**I'm giving in to you  
(Oh fuck) **

*WARNING* M/M SEX INSUES WITHIN THIS CHAPTER. DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT.

Giving In

Jou was violently pushed against the wall, head sideways, smashed against it. He felt Seto pull off his jacket and throw it onto the floor; he then did the same to his own before pressing Jou into the wall again. He flicked his eyes quickly over Jou's body before heading for Jou's already bruised neck.

It wasn't five minutes they had been in the mansion before Seto had dragged Jou upstairs and pinned him to the ground. He had begun pressing hard kisses onto Jou's throat, his lips slowly traveling down his neck until reaching his collarbone. 

Jou slid his hands into Seto's hair once more and closed his eyes. He realized Seto had yet to actually kiss him on the mouth. He was quite sure of what he was planning at the moment, but he knew the kissing and fucking were entirely different scenarios. Jou had never truly kissed anybody ... he just fucked. It was too intimate of an action. It was probably the same way Seto felt. 

Jou groaned as Seto's lips traveled further down his chest, suddenly, Jou thought of something and voiced it, "Why ..." Jou groaned as Seto's hands traveled up under his shirt, then continued. "... Why do you like the idea of me being like you? You already have one hero worshipper who wants to be like you. Do you do this to Mokuba too?" Jou suddenly felt hands slip around his neck, but he refused to look away as Seto's glaring face stared at him.

Jou tried to breathe but found himself lacking the oxygen to do so. "... N-- not that you would ever actually ... " Jou wheezed, "... Fuck your brother, Kaiba ..." The hands loosened and Jou continued, "I just find myself thinking that you're twisted enough to think the thought. You would never do it to your brother ... " Jou smirked as Seto cocked an eyebrow at him, "But ... you'd do it to me. Have I always been your outlet, Kai--" Jou was suddenly picked up and slammed into the wall. Which is how he ended up there.

"Shut up ..." 

Jou felt his tongue slide along his throat again and he groaned. This was getting tiresome. He didn't like being dominated, and he had let it get _this_ far. Jou's hands went up to the bottom of Seto's face and pushed him away. He turned them both quickly before pushing the other teen into the wall. 

Seto growled. He didn't expect Jou to stay submissive for too long ... He closed his eyes and felt Jou's lips almost chewing at his throat. He was suddenly jerked around once more and thrown on the bed. Jou paused for a moment, and raked his eyes over Seto's body, straddling him. He reached down to the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, then motioned for Seto to sit up and he did the same for him. Pushing Seto back down on the bed, he looked at his body once more. Seto had an amazing body. 

Jou smirked and leaned over him once more. He flicked his tongue out over Seto's neck and placed his lips down, sucking, then trailing slowly down his throat, down past his collar bone and stopping near one of his nipples. He wasn't sure if it would be the same on a guy as it was for a girl, but he figured if his own were sensitive, so were Seto's. He placed his mouth over the right one and flicked his tongue over it quickly; he presently heard Seto bite back a gasp and he smirked.

He leaned up to look at the boy under him, whose eyes were closed and his mouth clamped shut tight. Jou chuckled and took hold of Seto's face, palm under his jaw, fingers over his right cheek and mouth. He jerked his head to the side and licked his cheek in a similar fasion to what Seto had done to him earlier. Seto shuddered, which caused Jou to choke back a low chuckle. 

"So, Kaiba, how long have you been wanting me to do this?" Jou stared.

Seto glared and retorted, "How long have you been snorting cocaine?" 

Jou looked momentarily shocked. "How did you know I've done cocaine?"

Seto snorted. "I saw the bag."

Jou cocked an eyebrow but sat up, still straddling Seto. He stared for a moment before finally asking, "You want to do it, don't you?"

No answer came from the boy beneath him, and Jou smirked. He got up off him, and walked slowly over to his bag. Reaching down and pulling it out, he walked back to Seto, who had sat up to watch Jou walk. Jou smirked and waved the bag in front of Seto, saying, "Is this what you want?"

Seto moved his eyes with the bag before snatching it away from the blonde. He stood up on shaky legs and walked over to his dresser, then poured some out onto the counter, making two lines. He opened up one of his drawers and pulled out a piece of printer paper, which he promptly tore and rolled to make a small tube. He looked over to Jou who had been staring in wonder. Seto Kaiba had done this before. He cocked an eyebrow and sauntered to the tall teen. 

He grabbed the make-shift tube, leaned down, and snorted his line. It burned beyond belief, but he made his way slowly back to the bed, dragging Kaiba along with him. He threw Seto onto the bed and continued his ministrations in a haze. He could remember pulling Seto's pants off him, and tossing him to the floor. He looked over the teen's body again, and stared at his face. His eyes were glazed over, but he was still there. Jou knew it. He then proceded to blow him. It was the most disgusting thing he had ever done, but the groans and moans from the boy below him was what kept him going. 

All within a couple of minutes, Seto came, and Jou caught everything in his mouth. He sat up quickly, and spit it out onto the floor. Jou's dialated pupils stared down at the already "ready to go" Seto. He promptly took off the rest of his clothes and felt himself get pushed down into the bed. 

Although he could feel sensations stronger than he normally would, it felt as if his high was fading. He didn't like the feeling at all. It made him feel nauseous. He pushed Seto aside, and walked shamelessly to the desk and poured out some more cocaine from the bag. He made sure it was more than last time. He checked the bag, still quite a bit left ... and he snorted the line. Almost immediately, he could feel his pupils dilate once more and made his way back.

Upon reaching the bed, Jou was shoved aggressively down once more. He felt his dominate instincts start to weld up inside of him. Seto placed his mouth atop one of his nipples, but Jou wouldn't have it any longer. He wasn't one to be dominated in sex, he wasn't going to start now. He snaked his arms out under Seto's, and flipped them both quickly over. Jou now sat atop Seto. Seto glared to him, but Jou only smirked coldly. He leaned over the boy under him and licked and nipped around Seto's neck and chest. Finally he reached up to Seto's ear, and whispered, "What's the matter, don't like being on bottom?"

Seto tried to glare and tried to speak out, but Jou reached down and grabbed Seto's member, effectively shutting the teen up. Jou lifted himself slightly to fit his arm under his legs, but decided to stop. Seto responded enough to know he would go further. He leaned over once more and spoke into Seto's ear.

"I know you have lubricant, but the question is.. Where is it?"

Seto groaned as he felt Jou's mouth wander once more. 

"T- top drawer, far right…" he groaned and Jou's mouth made it down to his bellybutton. Jou left him and walked over to said drawer, pulling out the tube. He walked back over to Seto and calmly told him to turn over. Seto growled but complied. Jou sat atop him once more, and leaned down, nipping and licking slowly up Seto's back, allowing his hands to wander. 

"I suppose you know this is going to hurt. But, honestly, I don't care if I hurt you." His hand wandered downward once more, grazing lightly over Seto's lower area.

"And I know you've fucked other guys, Seto.. I guess the new question is if you've ever let them fuck you."

Seto stayed silent, and closed his eyes to the pleasure. 

"I'll take your silence as a no. If that's the case, then I feel slightly honored," Jou smirked, "I was the first to fuck the great Seto Kaiba. Heh.." Jou placed on an emotionless mask once more before plunging into the teen under him.

When they finished Jou sat up quickly, pulling out of Seto and looking down. He groaned, and walked silently to the bathroom, murmuring something about cleaning off his dick.

Seto watched him go, but suddenly felt himself draining of the energy he once had. He layed down silently, closing his eyes. He absently wondered what Jou was going to do when he got back.

Jou walked back into the room, extremely tired. He had felt his high starting to drain from him during the sex, but refused to acknowledge the fact until he was completely done. Jou stared at Seto's sleeping form. He really just fucked Seto Kaiba. He found the thought amusing. He stared back over to the dresser where he saw the white powder slightly spilled out, along with the make-shift tube starting to unravel. 

Should he do more? He had already done a lot tonight. But he felt his high fading quicker and quicker, and it was depressing. He walked slowly over to the drug and picked up the paper. A voice from across the room stopped him from going further.

"…if you do anymore, you'll have a stroke." Seto's tired voice came from the bed.

Jou nodded and put the paper down. He walked over to the bed once more. He paused. Did he really want to _sleep_ with Seto? A wave of exhaustion washed over him, and decided he would. He got inside the covers and almost immediately he fell asleep. Not before noticing Seto was trying to move as far away from Jou as he could on the bed.

-_-_-

JI: ......

Betty: Dang… 

JI: *cough* Now.. This was different for a while. I had my beta reader, DN well.. Write the entire sex scene. -_-;; cause, well.. I'm too chicken to write it! *ducks*

Betty: But then you finally grew a back bone and did all by yourself! *waves "Go JI" flags* ..'cept you didn't write everything in.

JI: ¬_¬ Yeah.. I didn't want to get booted! O_O

Betty: …^_^

JI: Thanks for your help DN. You're the best beta reader a gal could have! *sniff*

Betty: *huggles DN* Darkie-chan! ^_______^ 

JI: Alright.. Let go of her…

Betty: *turns away still holding on* Nooooooo

JI: …. ..^^;;

JI: Anyway, This chapter might be shocking to those of you who have been ignoring my warnings. But, get over it. You can give me flames, but atleast have the decency to sign them. Anyway, ^_^ Sorry for the long wait on this one. I was just reluctant to put it out. I have the entire story written, mind you. XD 

Betty: Thanks to all the reviewers! We have an urge to put up author notes to all of you, with personal thank-you's, but we figured we'd wait until the end. 

JI: Indeed, Betty. But, thanks to all the faithful reviewers, and the new ones! You guys don't know how important they are to me. 

Betty: *cough* 

JI: ...Us. 

Betty: ^_^ 


	8. I'm crying tonight

** I'm crying tonight   
I'm giving into you **

Giving In

Jou opened his eyes slowly and looked around. For a moment he had forgotten where he was, but it all had come rushing back to him within the instant he saw the room. Jou's eyes lowered slightly and he smirked. He had fucked Seto. The first time he had ever had sex was a guy, it was with Seto Kaiba, no less.

Hey, if you were gonna do it, might as well go for the best.

Jou checked behind him. Seto had left him to wake by himself. He paid no bother to it and stood, walking to the mirror that was on the dresser. He flinched at the sight of his own reflection; his hair was dirty and greasy, his skin marred with scars and bruises. Jou brought a hand slowly up to touch the bruises on his neck softly. Some were fading and some were obviously from last night. He let his mind wander, thinking about the past two days. It seemed like they dragged on forever, his days filled with so much drama. And, for fuck's sake. He was living with Seto Kaiba! He never would have imagined such a thing two days ago.

Of course, two days ago he had despised the fucking bastard called Seto Kaiba. How did he feel about the once bastard now? He didn't hate him, no. But, he didn't love him. He could never love someone like Kaiba. Because, like Kaiba said, they were alike. And he didn't love himself at all. 

__

' But how did the little fag feel about me?' he mused. 

Jou felt himself smirk lightly. Wasn't he himself an "fag" now too? Well, besides that point, it was obvious Kaiba was in love with him. There was no way someone with character like Kaiba would just turn over for anybody. And Jou knew he hurt him last night too. But he didn't find himself caring; he knew Seto enjoyed it after a while.

He traced his fingers lightly over his bruises again before stepping away from the mirror and heading for the bathroom. He needed a shower; Seto wouldn't mind. The guy was in love with him after all.

**

Jou walked slowly out of the bathroom in his tattered jeans he had put in his bag a few days earlier. He pulled on an old faded green t-shirt and headed for the door. He made his way slowly down the stairs, realizing that Kaiba wouldn't be home. He would probably be visiting Mokuba. Jou sighed.

__

'Whatever ...' He walked to the uncomfortable-looking couch and plopped down. Closing his eyes in thought, he let his mind wander to last night. He was suddenly craving the cocaine again, and as he realized that he was probably addicted ... he also realized that he didn't care.

He laid down and closed his eyes, suddenly tired again, for no real apparent reason. Presently, he fell asleep.

**

Jou was woken by the front door opening and then slamming shut. He opened his eyes tiredly, noticing it was dark. He had slept all day, and he could feel the cravings coming back again.

Jou was depressed, darkly so, and he couldn't figure out why. Sure, his father was in the hospital, after he thought he had--

"Jounouchi, your father is dead." 

Kaiba stared at the un-responding blond, then glared. "Did you hear me?"

Jou nodded. He felt as if he should be relieved, but he couldn't drop this dark depressing feeling. His craving for cocaine seemed to override his other emotions.

"His heart failed. The doctors couldn't revive him."

Jou nodded again, and stared at the floor.

Seto sighed. "... Jesus ..." He paused, and then suddenly chucked a small plastic bag at Jou's head. Jou flinched slightly, and reached behind him to look at what Kaiba had thrown him. He pulled it around to find small, round brown circles within. LSD? Seto had bought him acid?

He stared down for a few more seconds, then quickly snapped his head up to Seto. He was making his way up the stairs, but Jou could hear him mutter something about this being the only thing he was able to find.

Jou stared wide-eyed for a few more seconds, then glanced down to the bag. He reached in almost immediately and brought the small circle up to the light. Putting it up to his mouth he flopped down to the floor, letting the jel come slowly out of the blotter.

It was half an hour of silence before Jou could feel the effects. He started looking around, and the chair next to him started contorting. He brought a hand in front of his face, and moved it slightly watching the image blur.

Suddenly, the moving couch burst into flames. Jou gasped silently. The whole room was catching on fire and he was laying on the floor! He tried to sit up but couldn't seem to find the strength in his arms. A dark figure was coming through the flames, slowly towards him. 

It was his father! He wasn't dead! Seto lied to him! His eyes opened wide as saucers, feeling his dilated pupils fluctuate from bigger to smaller quickly. It hurt so bad. And it was getting hot. He squeezed his eyes shut and curled onto his side in the fetal position.

"... Please ..." he whimpered. "... Please ... STOP!" he yelled loudly.

**

Seto was suddenly startled from his position on the bed. He sat up quickly and ran downstairs to the shrieking boy.

Jou was crying out, yelling at some unknown intruder in his mind to leave him. Seto walked over to him and dropped to his knees, talking softly to Jou.

"Jou?... Can you hear me?"

Jou opened his eyes and looked up to Seto.

"K-Kaiba! You have to get out. The flames will burn you!"

Seto sighed, reached down for Jou, and cradled him. Seto leaned backwards against the chair and pulled Jou to his chest, his legs hanging over the side of his own. 

"No they won't, Jou. You're having a bad trip. Just focus on my voice."

Jou nodded shakily into his chest and shuddered. His hand gripped tightly on his shirt, and suddenly he stopped.

Seto looked down to the boy in his arms; Jou had passed out. Probably from the fright. Acid was supposed to last for at most twelve hours and hopefully Jou wouldn't wake up before that. As he was about to place Jou on the floor, he stopped and stared. 

Last night, Jou had taken Seto's virginity. And it wasn't just his "gay" virginity either. He had never had sex before, regardless. Sure, he had a couple of bedmates, who had given him blowjobs, but that's it. And Jou knew ... at least some of the truth. And he completely disregarded it. Jou didn't care about the fact that it was his first time. Seto felt if he actually knew the whole truth, he wouldn't care still.

When had he started to become so cold? Jou had always seemed as if he was always cheerful. And here he was, passed out on Seto Kaiba's floor, having had a bad trip on acid. A fucking ... bad trip. Jou shouldn't be doing drugs anyway. He shouldn't have the chance to have a bad trip. But Seto bought the drugs for him.

Truthfully, he would do anything for him, and this part sickened him; he wanted to keep the stupid mutt in his arms happy. Seto twisted his lip in disgust at himself. He had picked up some acid earlier in the year, but only just remembered having it that morning. He wasn't sure if Jou was going to go through cocaine withdrawal, but it was rather obvious he did, because he jumped at the chance to once again escape reality.

And a harsh reality it was. For both of them. 

-_-_-

JI: How-dee doo, neighbors. 

Betty: O_o. Well.. anyway, disturbing chapter you got there, J-chan.

JI: *nods* I know. I want more reviews if I'm going to post chapter 9.

Betty: *nods* We were thoroughly disappointed in the "regular's" who failed to review. *sighs*

JI: Indeed we were. *nod* Betty cried! 

Betty: I did not!

JI: Oh shush. 

Betty: *glare*

JI: Review please! Ill get chapter nine out as soon as I get 100 reviews. ^_^

Betty: You know you'll put it out if you don't get 100 reviews. 

JI: I know. ....But, it'll come out _quicker_ if I do. ^^; A little incentive there.

Betty: hehehe..


	9. We had so much in common

** **

Giving In

Jou woke up to find himself sleeping on a plush couch in a rather large living room. He couldn't remember much from last night... 

He _could_ remember the distinct feeling of Seto Kaiba holding him close to his body. His strong arms helped him slightly through his "bad trip" but he had passed out before he could do anything else.

Kaiba must have moved him to the couch last night. He sat up slowly and looked around; the house was empty. Kaiba must have--

Jou's thoughts were cut off by the harsh opening and ... slamming of the front door. Kaiba was moving ferociously through the entry way, and quickly up the stairs. Jou wondered what was wrong with him. He got up slowly and padded to the large stairway that led to the upper level of the house. 

Walking slowly up the stairs he made his way down the hall and then stopped in front of the closed double-doors that led into Kaiba's room. He reached for the handle slowly and turned.

He found Kaiba sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over; his hands were gripping the side of his head. Jou walked slowly over to Kaiba, then waited for the taller man to say something to explain his odd behavior.

"... His heart stopped," Kaiba whispered quietly. "They ... they couldn't get it to start again. Mokuba's dead."

Jou stared in silence. He knew this should be shocking him more, but couldn't seem to place the reason why. It was obviously affecting Kaiba; Jou felt obligated to help him. He took a step towards Kaiba, but the crouching man jerked away from him. Not phased, Jou took another step towards him.

This time, Kaiba didn't pull away. Jou placed a gentle hand on top of Kaiba's soft hair. He stroked it lightly and he could feel Kaiba relax slightly. Jou sighed lightly and moved closer to Kaiba. He placed both of his hands on either side of Kaiba's shoulders and pushed the man down on the bed. Jou climbed up on the bed and laid down, pulling Seto with him. 

Seto laid silently on top of Jou, quietly thinking about why Jou was doing this. Jou opened his arms slightly, pulling Seto closer to him. Kaiba rested his chin slightly sideways on the crook of Jou's neck. 

Kaiba shuddered involuntarily as Jou ran his fingers through Kaiba's hair once more. Seto shifted, trying to get a look at Jou's face. As normal these days, Jou held an emotionless countenance. He looked down to the pillows once more, trying to find comfort in the hands that held no emotion. 

Jou shifted, leaning down to look at Kaiba's face. He blinked, then leaned forward. Kaiba jerked back, but Jou placed a caressing hand on top of Seto's face. Jou's face was still blank as he leaned forward once more.

"… Don't," Kaiba said as he tried to move away again. "Jou ... don't k--"

"Shut up Seto," Jou replied and leaned in completely, placing his lips over those of the boy on top of him. 

Seto's eyes went as wide as saucers, watching the impassive boy below him kiss him, still with his emotionless face. Seto idly wondered if Jou would ever snap out of it. If he'd show any true emotion again. He knew Jou was just trying to comfort him the way he thought was best, but Seto guessed that he didn't realize that everything Jou did affected Kaiba. It was killing him that Jou wouldn't show any emotion towards him. But he'd never _tell_ him that.

So Seto finally gave into the false comfort and closed his eyes. 

Jou stared once again impassively at Kaiba. He brought a hand up to Seto's face, running it over his cheek lightly. His face was soft, without blemishes. Too soft, really.. Jou finally pulled back from his first kiss. He turned his head towards the ceiling once more and pushed Kaiba on top of him again. 

Seto's breathing slowed slowly and became even after about ten minutes of silence. Jou realized just how heavy having a body on top of him was. But, he figured, he needed to make up for what Seto did for him the night before. So he closed his eyes, forcing himself to sleep. 

***

Seto woke with a start. He had had a nightmare and it had, frankly, scared the fuck out of him. He realized that there was something hard beneath him. He looked down to find Jou sleeping. Jou had really comforted him. Or ... at least he had tried to. Seto hadn't felt _too_ much better, seeing as how his brother died last night, while he was at home, comforting Jou, when he should have been at the hospital. 

Seto sighed and rolled to the side, laying next to Jou, flat on the bed. He looked to Jou through his peripheral sight. He felt his eyes narrow in anger. What exactly had he gotten into when he invited Jou into his home? Jou had truly brought his pain and addictions along with him. 

Seto had the distinct feeling that he was hurting Jou more than helping him. He should take him to a detox center. Or ... get him a therapist.

Seto sighed heavily, knowing that Jou wouldn't go for that. Jou would continue his self-destructive behavior until it did just that. Destroyed him for good.

He looked to the ceiling. Would he lose Jou along with his brother? 

A wave of depression washed over him as he tried not to think of the fact that Jou was never his to begin with.

***

Jou woke up slowly. It was dark outside. His memory slowly came back to him.

He had kissed Seto. ... Mokuba was dead. Jou sighed and shook his head, rubbing his eyes. A low grumble was heard for the first time within; Jou was finally getting hungry again.

He sat up in the bed and took in his surroundings. He always seemed to wake up alone. He stood up and walked to the bathroom in Kaiba's room, aware of the fact that he needed a shower. 

About ten minutes later, Jou was dressed in the same raggy jeans and a new t-shirt. He walked slowly down the stairs into the living room, where he spotted Seto sitting on the couch, staring at the drugs that were laid out on the table. Jou hadn't cleaned them up.

Jou sighed and walked passed him, heading toward the kitchen; he opened the rather large fridge to find it fully stocked. Jou blinked. Seto must not have been eating either. He grabbed for two apples and went to the other side of the kitchen, looking for the knife drawer. 

Once finally finding it he peeled the apples and cut them into quarters. He grabbed a plate that was sitting on a "drying rack" and placed the apples on it. He walked back into living room, taking a seat next to Seto. He showed it to Seto, and took a piece for himself, before placing the plate on the table next to the drugs.

Seto stared blankly at the plate. He wasn't hungry at all. Too depressed. The death of his brother was seriously hitting him hard now. He looked to Jou and looked to the plate.

"...You need to eat, Kaiba," Jou said at last.

"I don't take orders, mutt."

Jou looked at him wanly before taking a piece of the fruit and popping it in his mouth. He suddenly leaned over and placed his lips atop Seto's. Kaiba's eyes widened as Jou forced the slightly-chewed apple into his mouth. 

Jou leaned back, and placed a hand over Seto's mouth, so not to let him spit the fruit out. He could feel Seto's jaw start to move, crunching the rest of the apple, before swallowing. Jou kept his hand over Seto's mouth.

"If you don't want me to do that again, I suggest you start eating, even if you're depressed." Jou's slight annoyance faded, leaving him in his normal, emotionless state.

Seto snarled, and shoved Jou's hand away from him. "You shut the hell up! You have no clue what it's like to lose a sibling."

Jou stood and stared blankly at him before speaking slowly. "… I don't, huh? Guess you didn't hear the news. Shizuka's dead." He paused, the anger growing in him, then said, "She was also hit by a car. But she died slowly, on the street. Not in a nice hospital bed, where people actually cared if she lived or died. Guess we have even _more_ in common now."

Seto stared. Wasn't Shizuka blind? He thought she was supposed to be in the hospital. He had heard Yugi saying she was going to make a full recovery after her surgery.

"Oh sure, someone called an ambulance, but they were at least twenty miles from where we were. I was the one that found her, laying in the street. Bleeding slowly to death. You know what she said on her dying breath? Do you?!" Jou was starting to get hysterical.

"She said, _'Jouno-kun? I hope the person that hit me is okay'._ That's what she said!"

Seto sat in shocked silence. 

"I know _exactly_ what it's like to lose a sibling." Jou was breathing hard, and made a few sounds of sobbing. 

He glared at Seto. _Damn_ him. Kaiba stood up slowly and reached into his pocket, then held up a small bottle and pushed into Jou's chest.

"… Morphine. Have a ball." With that said, Seto turned quietly away from Jou and went to sit on the couch a few feet away. 

Jou opened the bottle and poured out the small pills. There were quite a few in the bottle, but he decided that three was enough. So he popped them in and swallowed dry, sitting back on the couch, staring at Seto.

It was half an hour before the effects started kicking in for Jou. Things were hazy, but he couldn't feel anything. He'd felt so much better than he had for years ... it seemed.

Jou tried to stand, but his body seemed like it couldn't handle the weight, so he fell to the floor.

Seto watched him. Jou laid sprawled on the floor, looking up at him. Seto noted his glazed eyes. It looked as though he was going to constantly cry, but the tears didn't come. Jou just stared. 

His gaze was unnerving for Kaiba but he watched Jou anyway. He didn't really want another repeat with the acid. 

Seto sighed. Reality was hitting him full on. Jou was dead inside; he realized it now. He was a broken mess. All the time he seemed happy, all the time where he showed his seemingly intense emotions, ... they were all false. It was a farce, it seemed. Jou died on the day his sister did. 

Jou still laid, staring at him with eyes full of nothingness; Seto stared back. Jou would never be the same again. He wondered if he had ever known the true Jou. How long had this fragile person been broken?

And... Jou just stared.

-_-_-

JI: There we go! Chapter 9! One more left. ^_^

Betty: Wow. That was a sad chapter. 

JI: Yeah.. it was, wasn't it?

Betty: Kinda twisted. I wasn't expecting Shizuka to be dead.

JI: Mm ... well. *shrug* 

Betty: Please review! Chapter 10 will come out soon! Be sure to look for it!

JI: Yes. Review review review! =D


	10. Why didn't we see it sooner?

Giving In

Seto felt a cold breeze against his face. He stared down at the gravestone in front of him; it was Jou's. _His_ Jou's. He felt a wave of depression wash over him, like many time before. It was truly too bad it wasn't mutual. The bastard knew he loved him. The fucking bastard knew!

He recalled something that Jou had said to him, the night he died. He had taken four morphine pills that day, so Seto had known he wasn't going to be in his correct state of mind for a while. He would have objected to him taking four, but Jou's body had built up so much tolerance it didn't really metter what he did anymore.

Jou had stared up at him from the floor; his eyes were glazed over but he still stared. For over three months, It was his usual position. Jou would lie on the ground, and stare at Seto, whether he was "incapacitated" or just sleepy. But he would always stare. Seto never could take his uncaring gaze for too long, and like always, he turned his head.

Seto heard a soft whisper come from Jou. "I'm sorry I don't love you, Seto."

Kaiba's eyes widened, but he didn't look. He couldn't. "I know you love me, Seto ..." Jou paused trying to think. After a moment he said, "Do you remember when you told me we were alike?" He paused once more, "That's the reason, Seto. I can't love you, because I can't love myself."

Seto finally looked over to him. Jou sat up, reached to his mouth, and brought out the four small pills Seto thought he had taken. Jou had never swallowed the morphine. He walked over to Seto and grabbed for his hand, placing them into it and closed it for him. He stared for a moment, as if to say, _'You need these more than I do'_ and walked away from Seto, heading upstairs. 

Seto could remember watching after him, but also almost immediately putting the pills in his mouth and swallowing. He knew his body hadn't been used to the pills, and hoped that when he finally passed out, he wouldn't wake up. 

But he did wake up. And Jou had killed himself. He could remember walking back upstairs, legs sluggish. He opened his bedroom door and walked over to a seemingly sleeping Jou. When he reached the bed Jou was laying motionless upon, he could see Jou had grown extremely pale. Paler than he normally was … and the sheets were soaked in red. He then noticed the position Jou was in: his lower arms were tucked tightly against his sides. Seto slowly reached for his closest arm, and lifted to see the underside. One slash on his wrist, two long slashes down his arm, and another horizontal slash near his elbow.

Seto bit back a gasp. No! Jou couldn't have done this to himself. His hand reached slowly up to his neck. He knew deep down he wasn't going to find a pulse, but he had to check. He had to check, just in case ...

He pressed two fingers heavily onto Jou's neck and waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

When the truth finally hit him, Seto swung his hand back full-force, flinging him down upon the floor. He sat and stared wide-eyed at the carpet. He started to hyperventilate. 

No ... no no no ... This couldn't be happening. This didn't happen.

He looked back up to the still, pale body, then got on all fours and crawled to the bed and stared again before backing away on his knees. Seto leaned forward, gripping his stomach. His head drooped, and he could feel tears prick at the side of his eyes.

He opened his eyes widely and felt fresh tears fall down his cheeks. His throat burned and he tried to exhale, only for it to come out as a sob.

And for the first time in years, Seto allowed himself to cry.

Through his tears, 'That bastard, bastard … "… _Bastard_ ..."

Suddenly a shocked gasp came from behind him, knocking Seto from his memory. Seto turned to look at the soft face of Yugi Motou. 

"Why ... why would you say that, Seto? Can't you leave Jou alone yet? Even in his death, you torment him!"

Seto just stared at Yugi; he knew the boy would say something like that. Yugi frowned and walked away into the waiting arms of Yami. He didn't know what had been going on within the past three months. Yugi, as with the rest of Jou's friends, thought Jou lived with his mother, and was attacked. 

That was the lie that he told them. The lie they soaked up liked sponges. Seto knew that Jou wouldn't have wanted them to know what he went through. He wouldn't want to be remembered like that. So they never knew, and they would never know the truth behind Jou's death. Only Seto. Only Seto would be plagued by the memory. Only he knew the pain and suffering and the absolute shit he went through.

Only Seto knew, and it was killing him.

He turned back around to look at the grave … and he smirked. He and Jou truly _were_ alike. 

Because he didn't care.

-_-_-

JI: The End! Author note will be out soon! ^_^ 


End file.
